Saturday, May 20, 2006
"" @ 7:54 AM
love
the word that has been bugging me all this time..
the word that always bring tears to me for no reason every night whenever i think about it..
why? why do i feel that i desire this love thing so much that ive been thinking about it?
everytime i think about love.. my heart will simply be suck to a vacuum that nestles at the bottom.. to simply put it.. it hurts real bad.. and for me.. being emotionally weak makes the agony even stronger..
even as im updating my blog now.. im trying my best not to leak out any tears that is welling up.. the more i renounce the idea of me having crushes or even falling in love.. the more i feel like breaking down..
i still don't understand why i crave so much for love, to be loved and loved by a girl..
is this the result of being in a single gender school? but i don't think the rest of my brothers are going through the same phase as me.. i guess its only me..
i.. i can't handle this pain anymore.. i really really need to solve this.. fast.. i just don't want it to take over me and affect my as a whole.. but i just don't know how.. i really don't..
what should i do? im so helpless.. i can't believe that i somehow feel like a girl.. so weak..
because of all this.. ive kinda been distancing from my friends.. never really opening up to them much.. i don't want them to see me so weak.. im a guy.. soon a man.. i can't be weak..
think i go back sleep and cry for a while.. i can't no longer control my tears..
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
"" @ 8:40 PM
waa.. i cant believe that my wrist is till injured.. and it has been exactly one week from the day that i injured it.. it is really dam painful.. all my tests so far i like only half finish.. haiz.. and worst is that after i finish my homeworks halfway.. i would definitely give up one.. my wrist cant take so much pressure.. and the way i eat is also weird now.. i keep turning my elbow instead of my wrist naturally.. haiz.. worst is that i can lift the 10kg weights that i usually carry.. now downgrade to only 5kg leh.. which is super super demoralising..
anyway.. labour day was the best holiday ive ever had.. thats coz we had soccer.. and the number of pple that turn up was unbelievable.. i never really expected so many to turn up.. i mean usually soccer meetings are always so darn disappointing with the number of pple turning up.. but this time.. 13 pple turn up.. which is like the ultimate number lah.. haha yeah.. pang nearly died.. his face was dam pale.. and for me.. i injured my left hamstring.. haiz.. should have stretch before i started playing.. i really miss my 4H brothers man.. its like somehow i was delighted to finally see them after getting the O level results.. the best part is that all of them remains the same.. well pretty much.. even though we split path and leading our own separate lives.. yeah..
ok so the next day.. is the most dreaded day of my life.. coz this is went i injured my wrist.. serious.. i was carrying weights.. like per normal.. at the 12th time i carried.. i heard a noise.. CCCCRRRRRAAAACCCKKKK!!!!
yeah.. i was like secretly hiding my pain.. so i just stopped and changed to go home.. the moment i reach home.. i yelled dam freaking loudly in pain.. haiz.. i was like a baby lah.. really cried... haiz.. well shall not say anything more about that..
lets see.. oh ya.. on friday.. i turned up for my first ever sports day in tpjc.. i was kind of sad when they announced the winners of the javelin and shot putt.. i didnt know there even exist the trials.. haiz.. i wanted to participate.. but then again.. im still stuck with and injured wrist.. how unlucky.. yeah.. another thing to be sad about is that im in falcon house ( orange ) which was not the assigned one.. coz at first our class was supposed to be in hawk house ( yellow ) house.. oh well.. yeah.. it was kind of boring.. seriously.. so i ended up playing bridge with haram.. bobby.. and salleh.. until i remembered soemthing.. i brought a birthday present for my friend.. anisa.. i was so hooked up playing that i almost forget to give it to her.. yeah.. haha.. ok so i was kind of nervous when i gave it to her.. dam weird.. i mean im always comfortable with her company usually.. so yeah.. she was like standing in front of me smiling from ear to ear.. haha.. then i gone all speechless and told her i needed to go back to my friends.. haha..
anyway thats all.. haiz.. wish i could be free enough to update every single day.. but too bz so far.. so yeah.. *chao*
