Saturday, May 20, 2006
"" @ 7:54 AM
love
the word that has been bugging me all this time..
the word that always bring tears to me for no reason every night whenever i think about it..
why? why do i feel that i desire this love thing so much that ive been thinking about it?
everytime i think about love.. my heart will simply be suck to a vacuum that nestles at the bottom.. to simply put it.. it hurts real bad.. and for me.. being emotionally weak makes the agony even stronger..
even as im updating my blog now.. im trying my best not to leak out any tears that is welling up.. the more i renounce the idea of me having crushes or even falling in love.. the more i feel like breaking down..
i still don't understand why i crave so much for love, to be loved and loved by a girl..
is this the result of being in a single gender school? but i don't think the rest of my brothers are going through the same phase as me.. i guess its only me..
i.. i can't handle this pain anymore.. i really really need to solve this.. fast.. i just don't want it to take over me and affect my as a whole.. but i just don't know how.. i really don't..
what should i do? im so helpless.. i can't believe that i somehow feel like a girl.. so weak..
because of all this.. ive kinda been distancing from my friends.. never really opening up to them much.. i don't want them to see me so weak.. im a guy.. soon a man.. i can't be weak..
think i go back sleep and cry for a while.. i can't no longer control my tears..
